How I went down the rabbit holes...Part II
Topic: My Story - April 2020
One of the first things I remember watching was The Fall of the Cabal by Janet Ossebaard and Out of Shadows by renowned Hollywood stunt man, Mike Smith. This was before YouTube turned into CommieTube and Facebook turned into Facistbook, censoring everything they didn’t agree with or want the public to hear. If you never did see either of these, you can watch them here:
I’ve never been one to do anything in moderation, so rather than take these documentaries in small bites, I decided to watch the entire Fall of the Cabal series in one night…not the smartest decision I’ve ever made. It was by far the most disturbing three hours of my life, and I’m not saying I believed it all to be true, but it sure did make for a compelling argument that the world around us is not what we thought.
In some ways though, I was comforted. I knew there was more going on with this whole COVID crap than what we were being told, but I couldn’t figure out what it was, and in some weird way, the rabbit holes helped make sense of the craziness. I started sharing my newfound information with my family and friends who were willing to listen. Some of them woke up with me. Others ran for their lives and still today act like I have the plague when it comes to this topic.
As an engineer, I have a very analytical mind, and I was always pretty good at remaining objective when it comes to controversial topics.
So, why didn’t I just dismiss all the rabbit holes I was going down as “conspiracy theory”? There certainly was enough argument for that.
Because for almost 20 years I’d known the young woman who originally sent me these documentaries, and I knew she wasn’t a lunatic. She has a story of her own filled with obstacles she overcame that most people would never have survived. Grasping for answers, I started texting her and asking some tough questions. She said,
“Toni - knowing the truth is a responsibility that most people don’t want and the world quite frankly can’t handle. Do what you can to wake others up, but don’t cast your pearls to swine. The world needs you right now to share the truth as you see it.”
Her comments stuck with me, and it made it easier to handle watching people walk away who were family and lifelong friends.
I remember the day I went to my husband to try to explain everything to him. With his usual calm, stoic demeanor he just stared at me and said,
“Yeah I know. I’ve been following all of that stuff for years. I told you 9/11 is a lie. You didn’t want to hear it.”
I wanted to punch him in the face, but he was right. He had been telling me for years that there’s more to the story of 9/11 than what we were told, that the twin towers collapsed too perfectly and that it looked more like a controlled demolition than a result of planes crashing into buildings. Because I saw the airplanes hit those twin towers with my own two eyes on TV, I insisted that it HAD to be true…funny how that worked out. More on 9/11 in another publication.
The Turning Point:
After I pulled an all nighter watching The Fall of the Cabal, I was wrecked. Between the compelling evidence indicating that the migrant caravan in 2018 was totally staged, to the bone chilling saga of Pizzagate, to the idea that JFK Jr. could still be alive (which I believe is completely false), my world was rocked. Honestly, I never felt so unstable in my life.
At 24 years old, in the summer of 2003 to be exact, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior for the first time. What a life changing experience that was. My husband and I got saved together that summer, but in a very unconventional way. I’ll share my testimony at a different time, but what’s important to know here is that from the time I got saved at 24 years old to the time I finally woke up at the ripe age of 41 and saw the ever present evil that exits in our world, I lived in a bubble. I never watched the news, and I didn’t pay attention to politics. I only voted in Presidential elections because I naively thought they were the most important ones…boy was I wrong!
In January of 2010, I lost my dad to a nasty 3.5 year battle with colorectal cancer. Then in 2013, I lost my mother-in-law very suddently 10 days before Christmas. Those two, devastating life situations threw me some curveballs that when I first got married, I didn’t see coming…not that anyone ever does. My experience has been that losing a loved one is the most difficult blow that life can deal you, whether it’s expected or not. During those seasons of grief, I didn’t realize that I slowly allowed Satan to weaken my relationship with Christ by planting tiny seeds of doubt in my daily life.
I mean I never stopped going to church. I never stopped believing in Jesus. I read my daily devotionals like a good little Christian is supposed to do, but somewhere along the way, my daily walk with God went from a heartfelt, hungry devotion to just going through the motions because I knew that’s what I was supposed to do…and I didn’t even realize it until I went down those pesky, little rabbit holes in 2020.
Back to The Fall of the Cabal:
It was 5 a.m. when I finished watching the documentary for the first time. Grasping the possibility that everything I had ever been taught was a complete lie brought me to my knees. I was bawling my eyes out, and my mind started to race faster than a cheetah runs…”What now? Where do I go from here? What if even half of this stuff is true? NOW WHAT??”
I turned on my praise and worship music and cried out to God. For the first time in ages I prayed like I meant it. With child-like faith, I ran to Jesus, acknowledging that He is the only unchanging truth in this world and the rock on which we can always stand. I repented for falling away, and asked Him for guidance on what to do next. The still, small voice that I had come to recognize in my prayer time over the years told me as plain as day…”It’s time to show the world who you became since you found Me.”
“What?? What the heck does that mean??” I thought. As comforting as it was to have an answer so quickly, I was confused at the same time.
I can’t remember the exact process I went through to figure it out or how long it took me, but I just know it wasn’t long before I knew it was time to “come out” to the world as the born-again, bible thumping Christian that I had become over the last 17 years.
Next Publication: My “coming out” as a conservative Christian on social media and the reaction that ensued from my liberal friends and family.
Resources to help with grief: